I make no bones about it. Never have and never will. I am a grade A, gold medal winning klutz. From my earliest days to the present —calamity follows me around like a plague. It is just part of my charming persona.
Take today for example. I walked outside to put a couple of baby carrots (how DO they grow them that small anyway?) out for the baby bunny who is living in the bushes. Enter the landscaping solar light. Pinky toe meet light. Ouch. Now mind you these lights are not very large but large enough to cause massive bruising and perhaps a broken toe . I know of what I speak. I have broken said toe twice before—the last time on a stack of paper on the floor that the movers had put there when they were packing us up for our move from North Carolina to Iowa. No joke. Who breaks their toe on paper??? Me. To the point where I honestly could not walk and had to wear a boot all the while we were moving. Sigh.
Wrong strategy as my elbow connected with the coffee filter cup thingy. There was blood involved. It was not pretty.
Last week I totally fell in Ada when we were coming out of a restaurant. Boom, down I went. No reason other than my niece was blathering on and on about something as 13 years sometimes do so I will blame her. I laughed it off but by the time we got back to their house my knee had produced rivers of blood down my leg. For once I did not faint. Now my knee, a week later, has a lovely green and yellow hue to it.
One time I even cut myself on a gum wrapper. For crying out loud–who does that??? You know that kind with the foil backing that you push the gum out the backside? Yep—totally cut my finger to the point of gushing blood. Again, who does that?
I am thinking that perhaps if I ever reach famedom (I am hoping that Miranda’s efforts to get me Freshly Pressed will come to fruition) I should use some of my riches and notoriety to secure a bodyguard of sorts—not one to protect me from others—one to protect me from myself!!! What do you think?
Are there any other folks out there with stories like these?? I would love to hear them. Maybe we could start a club. Let me know—carefully.